8) Going gently - our brains are fragile

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Category: Connect

Published: Wednesday, 17 March 2021 10:13

Written by Cherry

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'Adverse reactions to kindness and compassion are common in people who were neglected, abandoned or maltreated as children. Those who were not securely bonded to their parents or caregivers often find it difficult to trust others and form stable relationships later in life ... Many people experience adverse reactions in more subtle ways, as tenderness, sadness, heaviness or emptiness. You may notice this more clearly when you observe yourself mindfully.

The important message is that adverse reactions to receiving kindness are a normal phenomenon that many of us will encounter. Adverse reactions are not 'wrong' reactions, they arise naturally from our histories. So, if you notice them, there is nothing wring with you. It is another opportunity to practise mindfulness and awaken compassion . Having a grounding in mindfulness practice is particularly helpful here, enabling you to pause with your experience as it is, even if is painful and difficult, allowing the breath to settle into a soothing rhythm and the body to soften..'

(from 'A Practical Guide to Mindfulness-based Compassionate Living' by Erik van den Brink and Frits Koster, p 36 - 37)

So - given our evolutionary history of focus on threat, survival and striving, combined with our own personal histories, some of which will contain considerable trauma -  we need to proceed with compassionate mindful awareness with care.  Balancing and rebalancing our regulatory systems is important work - requiring both gentleness and courage.